By Patrick Imig,
author of the CHFF for Kids story 'The Ugly Pundit' ...
During Pigskin Detention's Week 3 session
, we linked to Steve Wyche's NFL.com story
, which praised Tony Romo and featured choice lines such as, "What's that credo about great players making other players better? As odd as it sounds, maybe this unfortunate medical break for Romo could turn into a fortunate break for the Cowboys."
If only Steve Wyche heeded his own advice a week later. It was a week later - Monday October 2nd to be exact - when Wyche turned on Romo's era of good feeling. His headline writer boldly said "Romo ends week of bliss by plummeting back to earth"
This leads to several questions.
1. Plummeting back to earth? Was Tony Romo throwing button hooks to Dez Bryant on Planet Druida
? Was Lord Dark Helmet
2. If the Cowboys lost their Week 3 game against the Redskins, would Romo have plummeted from earth to depths of Hades?
3. Does Tony Romo need some Pepsi Max?
The bottom line is that Steve Wyche flip-flopped in less than one week's time. His recent exploit is a classic call from the pundit playbook. A couple of examples from his column ...
"You've read this story before and, based on the track record, you're going to read it again."
And based on the 'track record', Steve Wyche coulda/should/woulda talked about the 'track record' in his Week 3 column. Since he failed to do so, his sniper typer is pointed squarely on Romo.
"It's the largest blown lead in the Cowboys' illustrious history. That's epic. It's also a loss that kicked the team's hopes in the teeth -- again."
Dentists in the Dallas-Fort Worth area have publicly endorsed Tony Romo as Cowboys starting quarterback. Since Romo took over in 2006, the rate of artificial tooth replacement has increased 28%. That's because when the Cowboys lose, Romo kicks Cowboys fans' teeth.
"Six days later, Romo stood at another news conference, wishing he was under a rock because he cost the Cowboys the game. He'd blown it, leaving Dallas at 2-2. He'd triggered questions about how much he means to this franchise."
Questions controlled and created by the pundits. It's an interesting line of work to be sure. Luckily, the Cold Hard Football Facts eliminate pundit noise with scintillating facts. The facts say Tony Romo is not a choke artist
--- unless Aaron Rodgers and Philip Rivers are considered chokers too. It's an interesting conversation and one that will pick up even more steam in Week 5.
It will be Week 5 when Tony Romo tosses a pick six in the first quarter, severs his leg in the 2nd quarter, returns to the field strapped to a dolly in the 3rd and leads his team to a go-ahead score in the 4th. Such an event would drain the fountain of conventional wisdom causing a short circuit in the pundit registry.
It's always bigger and more dramatic in Dallas.
PIGSKIN DETENTION CHALLENGE: DEION VS. DIRK
Discussion of Romo has extended to two of the more prominent Dallas sports personalities. Here are some observations from Dallas number one basketballer and number one retired cornerback-turned player pundit.
"We praised (Romo), we said, 'Yeah, he’s that leader, he’s their guy.' And then you come and do this. What are you thinking? Sooner or later we’ve just got to quit guessing and assuming that this guy’s is the guy to get you over the hump, and say, 'You know what? This guy is always going to be great statistically, but he’s not that guy that can take you to where you want to go.' And that’s the Super Bowl."
"Dear tony romo. Don't worry about all the critics. I heard that same garbage for a long time. Keep working hard and keep improving."
In a unanimous decision, Dirk Nowitzki wins this week's Pigskin Detention Challenge. While Deion was wordy and confusing, Dirk was clear, concise and succint. Dirk has also been through this sort of thing in Dallas before. Sanders seems more upset that Romo made his Week 3 proclamation look foolish. The only thing foolish, Mr. Prime Time, are your knee jerk reactions following Week 3 and Week 4.
Dirk Nowitzki will not be charged with a time out. He is awarded an autographed Deion Sanders Hot Dog Express
for his efforts.
Notable quotes from Faith Hill's backup vocalists, Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth ...
Michaels, on Ravens running back Ricky Williams: “He'll always be known for the fact that Mike Ditka traded his whole draft class for the opportunity to bring in Ricky.”
Weed. In the general public, Ricky Williams will always be known for weed.
During a review of Ray Rice's touchdown.
Cris: “We're trying to build a little drama here.”
Al: “That just took two minutes out of your life.”
Cris: “I have some to spare.”
Al: “You're right. Pretty soon we'll all be in the deep divot.”
Thanks for the philosophy of life, gentlemen. And Cris, we don't want manufactured drama from replay booth officials and timeouts. I don't, anyway. Let the game handle that.
REPORT: NOT ALL GUNSLINGERS ARE JUST HAVING FUN OUT THERE
The dramatic pundit plight of Tony Romo led to the inevitable comparison between Romo and BrettFavre, as told by ESPN's Mike & Mike. Here's Mike Golic on Romo:
“You can't be lazy with your throws and your reads ... He's got to make better decisions. He's got to be smarter with the football.”
“He is going to sling it … but that doesn't mean you just say 'oh well that's just Tony being Tony'. Tony's not in position to earn the line, 'That's just Tony being Tony'.”
And the extra point from Mike Greenberg: “BrettFavre was the MVP of the league three times and won a Super Bowl so (Romo) is not Favre.”
This logic and reasoning shows that Old Yeller Fever
will forever plague the pundits. If only Tony Romo would win a Super Bowl, and multiple MVP awards. Then everyone would be accepting of his errant throws and errant text messages to team employees.
Headlines unfit for even the most salacious post mortem biographies.
Rex Ryan guarantees Jets will play Patriots in Week 5 ...
Curtis Enis biography fails to pass editorial phase ...
Harbaugh brothers drop flaming bag of poop on Manning family doorstep ...
Tony Romo's career found in pundit's trash can ...
Hank Williams Jr. ready for unemployment ...
Gramatica brothers blow out quads during Bud Light commercial …
TV's No. 1 new drama on America's No. 1 network not as exciting as football ...
Pigskin Detention is written by Patrick Imig. He'd like to see the Harbaugh brothers fight the Gramaticas's for his own amusement. Email him at email@example.com or follow him on Twitter @patrickimig.