Detroit has announced an image-shaping new brand this week, and our first reaction was to assume that the organization had re-hired Wayne Fontes, the last coach to lead the Lions to a playoff victory (that'd be back in 1991 for those of you keeping score at home).
But we were wrong. Boy, were we wrong. Detroit simply has a new official team font, one that they somehow think will "consistently present the Lions as a first-class organization."
In a classic example of putting the marketing cart before the horse, the Lions issued a breathless press release Monday in which they announced that they have unveiled a "new comprehensive brand."
And then to hammer home the point, they repeated the words "new," "comprehensive" and "brand" so many times in four paragraphs that we thought Rain Man had issued the release.  
The obvious question is "what constitutes a 'new comprehensive' brand?"
We tend to believe that the following would constitute a new brand for the Lions: 
  • Maybe winning a championship for the first time since the dawn of the face mask (that'd be 1957 for those of you keeping score at home).
  • Or, maybe reaching the playoffs for the first time in a decade.
  • Or, in the aim-low department, maybe winning a single game (The 2008 Lions were the first 0-16 team in NFL history).
That's how we'd remake the brand. You know, winning a game. But that's not the Lions.
According to their press release, they believe that a "new comprehensive brand" includes (and we can't make this stuff up, folks) "a new logo and new uniforms." And they substitute an actual image-shaping victory on the field with an image-shaping "new logotype and a new proprietary font."
None of which will help the team solidify a unit that surrendered a 110.8 Defensive Passer Rating last year, making it the single worst pass defense in NFL history.
But good luck with your new font, Detroit. We'll see how many desperately needed INTs it hauls in this year.